The day was a little more difficult than I was expecting. I think I figured the birthday wouldn't be so bad, since that had been such a happy occasion. I imagine Dec. 11, the one year anniversary of when Garrett passed away, will be worse. So I didn't think too much about the birthday beforehand, but once it was here, it was hard not to remember everything from that day.
When I arrived at work, I thought about how this time one year ago, Garrett wasn't even an hour old. My lower half was still numb from the scheduled C-section, but soon enough Chris and I were adoring our little boy -- inspecting his tiny fingers, observing how he had my hair and nose, and marveling at how easily he took to nursing. What a little wonder. We called relatives to announce Garrett's arrival and eagerly waited for visitors to come share in our joy.
As I thought about how excited we were, how perfect Garrett seemed, how complete life felt, the dramatic contrast of what we experienced on that day and what we have been through since was a bit overwhelming. I wasn't a complete wreck, but I had my share of moments throughout the day and went through quite a few tissues.
I didn't take the day off of work, and I think having that distraction helped -- although my head was kind of a mess. I forgot how exhausting it is to get through a day with such a heavy heart.
Rain and snow fell steadily in Rochester, and was continuing in Lake City by the time we got home. It seems somewhat appropriate and poetic for it to be so dreary outside today.
Remembering, loving and missing you, Garrett, today and every day.
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