Yesterday, Jonathan sat quietly in his "thinking chair" (his foam Cars chair, which is red just like Steve's thinking chair on Blue's Clues) while Chris watched part of a football game. Jonathan actually fell asleep in that chair and wouldn't let Chris move him to his crib to enjoy his nap more comfortably, so Chris propped some pillows around him and pulled an afghan over his legs.
With Jonathan sleeping, we cleared the kitchen table and began going through the box of cards from the visitation and service. Some held particularly touching messages, and I would know one was coming if Chris sighed or grabbed a tissue in the middle of reading it. One note summed up the situation succinctly with, "This definitely sucks!" (Thanks, Mike. I needed the chuckle.)
Jonathan woke up not long after we finished, and he was pink from head to toe. We thought he might have simply been too warm under the blanket, but he was just as much a furnace ten minutes later. Poor pumpkin. Tylenol helped to keep his temperature in the low-grade fever range, and he was acting mostly like himself throughout the rest of the day, but with less energy. He did throw up once, though. Thankfully, Chris' brother Jerry, who was visiting us that afternoon, noticed that Jonathan looked like he was about to vomit, so Chris picked him up to take him to the bathroom. He had just stepped off the carpet and onto the linoleum when Jonathan lost his lunch -- mostly all over Chris, but partially on the floor and a little on himself.
That's the first time he's thrown up due to some illness. His first response was to look at the mess on the floor and say "Spill!" Well, he hasn't mastered the "sp" sound yet, so it was really more like "Bill!" But then he started to whimper, as he didn't understand what had just happened. Once we got him cleaned up, though, he was fine.
It might have been just the power of suggestion, but Chris and I were starting to feel slightly under the weather, too. As we headed to bed, I asked Chris if he still planned on going back to work today. He was, so I fumbled to set the alarm and saw the last set time was 3:40 a.m. What?! 3:40? Why on earth would it be set that early? Oh ... right. The last time we had set the alarm was for the morning of Garrett's last procedure. I wanted to be sure he had a chance to eat before he had to begin fasting at 4. That was the last time I nursed him.
Ugh. That one hurt.
Monday, December 21, 2009
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I wrote a letter Saturday night. Mom told me to post it as she cried. Like I said it started simply as a letter from a baby to mom. I had thought it facinating after reflecting how much our kids what to do the same for us we want to do for them. Then it took story form and I cannot quite explain why. I hope that you like it.
ReplyDeleteLove
Me
Oh Honey,
ReplyDeleteI wish I could take away your pain. And Chris, even though you say so little, your pain was so clear in the hospital and at the service. We have all seen how strong you are, and how Mindi looks to you for support. The two of you have made an incredible team amidst this tragedy.
I heard a beautiful song that I think may give you some comfort. It's called,
"You Wouldn't Cry For Me"
by Mandessa.....A baby singing to his parents:
All you saw was pain. All you saw was rain. But you should see me now.
Moments filled with tears lasted all those days, disappeared some how.
You had to say goodbye, on your knees you cry. You're still asking why.
But blue has never been bluer, true has never been truer,Honey never tasted so sweet, there's a song on the breeze A million voices in praise.
A rose has never smelled redder The sun has never been brighter If I could find the right words to say If you could look at my face If you could just see this place You wouldn't cry for me today.
What you think you see Isn't really me I'm already home
You've got to lay it down 'Cause Jesus holds me now And I am not alone. (end of song)
When I start feeling sad and missing Garrett, I think of how my dad described heaven just before he died. He described seeing loved ones waiting for him, streets of gold,and my baby girl sitting in an angels hand. So you and I will have the blessing of a baby to hold when we join them in heaven! I can't wait.
Hope Jonathan is feeling better, and you didn't get sick yourselves.
We love you,
Mom